by 12/07/2010 02:33:00 PM 0 Pengkritik

How To Be Less Jealous In a Relationship

 One of the easiest way to push your partner away and destroy a relationship is to let jealousy control you. If I could have a dollar for every reader who had pushed their partners away and destroyed their romantic relationships because they couldn't control their own jealousy, I would be a rich man.

    So what should you do if you're prone to get jealous easily and quickly? Here are a few tips on how to control your own jealousy??:

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1) Look Into Your Past:

Think about where you insecurities come from and acknowledge them. A funny thing I've learned from helping clients in the past is that some fears actually go away after you acknowledge them.

    If you've had a rough past, consider seeking therapy. It's really worth the time and money.

2) Work On Your Self-Esteem:

Learn to think positively and avoid negative self-talk. Go borrow some books from the library on confidence and self-esteem. 

 3) Challenge the Irrational Thinking:

Every time you have a jealous thought, write it down. Include all the reasons why you think that way.

For example:

    My girlfriend is flirting with a guy in front of me.

    - She has been talking to him way too long.
    - The guy looks like a dirtbag who enjoys stealing women.
    - She smiled at him.
    - And so on.

    Now, leave the piece of paper alone and focus your mind on something else. Come back to it and write down positive explanations for the reasons you have written down earlier.
    - Maybe she was just having a normal conversation.
    - I don't know the guy so I can't judge him. I probably think every guy is out to steal my girlfriend anyway.
    - Hey. I smile at people when I want to be polite too.

    Now, think about whether your initial accusations make sense.

    Finally, wait till the outcome of the situation (Example: your girlfriend comes back to your table instead of going home with the guy) and see if your initial worries have been valid. Then compare them to your "logical" explanations as well as reality. You may quickly find that most of your initial thoughts are based on fears that are detached from reality.

4)    Talk To Your Partner:

If things keep bother you, then let your partner know that they are bothering you using assertive language - without making any accusations.

5)    Draw Boundaries:

Work with your partner to draw boundaries and create rules. For example, they are free to have lunch alone with members of the opposite sex, as long as they pay for themselves. Diners are out of the question unless it's a group thing.


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